I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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