White coat. Heels.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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