So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
