Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
