Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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