they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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