My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
