they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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