No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
