My brain says no but my pants say off.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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