Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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