Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
