I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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