I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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