Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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