My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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