dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
