I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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