I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
