OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize