I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
