I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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