i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
