It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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