I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
