Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
