My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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