I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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