I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
