I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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