I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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