Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
