She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
