I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
so much tequila, so little girl.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
