i already hear my dad disowning me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
