Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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