That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
