In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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