You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize