I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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