Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
