I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
