I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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