Texts From Last Night

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  (706): View more from Georgia

  i would punch a child for taco bell

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  (706): i would punch a child for taco bell http://tfl.nu/lkky
  Replies (41) Good night (5613) Bad night (1056)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad

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  (443): just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad http://tfl.nu/g8m9
  Replies (3) Good night (752) Bad night (2771)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.

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  (256): Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay. http://tfl.nu/5ucl
  Replies (27) Good night (1478) Bad night (4948)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY

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  (360): Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY http://tfl.nu/mbk8
  Replies (12) Good night (2016) Bad night (1129)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.

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  (770): Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/stcx
  Replies (20) Good night (2783) Bad night (1009)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation

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  (978): also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation http://tfl.nu/1tpq
  Replies (4) Good night (1709) Bad night (782)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.

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  (608): So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf? (1-608): I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account. http://tfl.nu/4oht
  Replies (1) Good night (2823) Bad night (599)
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  (585): View more from New York

  You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.

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  (585): You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett. http://tfl.nu/f5z3
  Replies (10) Good night (1464) Bad night (502)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.

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  (937): I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe. http://tfl.nu/np5r
  Replies (10) Good night (1576) Bad night (417)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  You're so romantic.

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  (406): I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you. (1-406): You're so romantic. http://tfl.nu/mrz2
  Replies (2) Good night (1132) Bad night (438)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny

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  (919): You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny http://tfl.nu/d0i4
  Replies (4) Good night (839) Bad night (317)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.

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  (256): Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants. http://tfl.nu/myfs
  Replies (2) Good night (837) Bad night (537)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.

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  (503): Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it. http://tfl.nu/8pyf
  Replies (0) Good night (432) Bad night (288)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.

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  (801): Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done. http://tfl.nu/ys5o
  Replies (3) Good night (513) Bad night (329)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....

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  (717): I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan.... http://tfl.nu/dpdm
  Replies (3) Good night (323) Bad night (410)

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