Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?

(573): View more from Missouri

You can't be serious.

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(417): You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right? (573): You can't be serious. http://tfl.nu/cmch

Replies (58) Good night (3269) Bad night (666)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.

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(440): Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic. http://tfl.nu/n8qw

Replies (18) Good night (4646) Bad night (550)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex

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(763): Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex http://tfl.nu/0lo0

Replies (27) Good night (1128) Bad night (3831)
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(912): View more from Georgia

He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.

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(912): He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it. http://tfl.nu/csjq

Replies (21) Good night (5726) Bad night (1122)
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(626): View more from California

How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.

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(626): How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans. http://tfl.nu/e33l

Replies (12) Good night (2581) Bad night (1042)
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(216): View more from Ohio

I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.

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(216): I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/0c0z

Replies (4) Good night (2127) Bad night (519)
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(805): View more from California

You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!

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(805): You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius! http://tfl.nu/013j

Replies (6) Good night (763) Bad night (1425)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.

(336): View more from North Carolina

Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.

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(336): Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box. (336): Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark. http://tfl.nu/oail

Replies (9) Good night (1427) Bad night (527)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn

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(931): i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn http://tfl.nu/8o33

Replies (10) Good night (598) Bad night (1655)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.

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(575): There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town. http://tfl.nu/m7kt

Replies (4) Good night (1062) Bad night (444)
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(518): View more from New York

I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.

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(518): I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk. http://tfl.nu/wd6k

Replies (3) Good night (1598) Bad night (491)
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(210): View more from Texas

I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.

(210): View more from Texas

my parents really loved me back then.

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(210): I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed. (210): my parents really loved me back then. http://tfl.nu/7xue

Replies (9) Good night (1286) Bad night (430)
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(989): View more from Michigan

tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition

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(989): tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition http://tfl.nu/yo0y

Replies (2) Good night (828) Bad night (331)
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(585): View more from New York

AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?

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(585): AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!? http://tfl.nu/66pr

Replies (1) Good night (429) Bad night (172)
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(847): View more from Illinois

This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.

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(847): This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends. http://tfl.nu/w6fi

Replies (4) Good night (410) Bad night (296)

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