i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.