I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night