I will die if light touches me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
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My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.