mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.