Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
