So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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