I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
