This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
