He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
