if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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