I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
