4 words: hood of his car
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
