In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
