so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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