eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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