You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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