Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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