Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
