He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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