That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
