It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
