I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
one two three fourrrrnication!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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