Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i out mim tonsoeep
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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