mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
